Christmas In Chicago
by Donny304
Summary: Vinny's Barone relatives come to spend Christmas with him and Lorraine in Chicago. Vinny and his cousin Ray don't get along and Lorraine doesn't like Vinny's Aunt Marie. Read and Review.
1. Whatever Happened To Hank

This is the fan fic I've been waiting to write for some time now. This is going to be my favorite fan fic I will writeon this website so far. Even more then the ones I wrote with Jason and Vinny before this. This is an Everybody Loves Raymond meets Cheaper By The Dozen fan fic. And if your an ELR fan you will love this one just like I know I will. My sixth Vinny and Lorraine installment.

I don't own any of the Bakers, Barones or anyother characters in a TV show or movie. I do own Vinny and the other characters that aren't in any TV shows or movies.

Chapter 1: What Ever Happened To Hank

Vinny walks into the front door of his house after going to LA for a few days. "How was LA?" Lorraine asked him. "It was all right. my headquarters is doing great and so are my brother Rick and his family. They say hi. And they gave us this for Christmas." Vinny said as he handed Lorraine the gift Rick and his wife gave them. "This is so beautiful." Lorraine said about the vase Rick and his wife gave them. "It's just a vase." Vinny told her. "It's a vase that cost fifty thousand dollars." Lorraine told him. "Really?" Vinny asked. "I saw this exact one in the mall the other day." Lorraine told him. "Hey where's Mikey C?" Vinny asked her getting off the topic. "He's at hockey practice. And why do you always call him Mikey C?" Lorraine asked. "His middle name is Christopher right?" Vinny then asked. "So what?" Lorraine replied. "You never saw the Godfather movies. The main character in those movies is called Michael Corleone. And I love those movies." Vinny told her. "I know you have the whole collection on DVD. Along with Goodfellas and A Bronx Tale." Lorraine told him. "Those are great movies." Vinny replied. "You're such an Italian American." Lorraine told him. "That's what I am Italian American. I have to stick with my heritage." Vinny told her as he left. "Where are you going?" She asked him. "Go get your brother Mike from practice." Vinny told her. "My dad is going to pick him and Jake up." Lorraine told him. "Jake is there too?" Vinny asked. "Yeah." Lorraine then said as Vinny left to go pick them up. Vinny picks up his cell phone and calls Tom. "Hey Tom it's Vinny. LA was fine. You don't have to worry about getting Jake and Mike today I'll pick them up. Yes I'm sure. No problem Tom. Talk to you later." Vinny told Tom as he hung up his phone. His cell phone rings "Hello? Hey Robert. How the hell are you? Yeah I just got back from LA. It was nice. I know that you and Amy are coming tonight instead of tomorrow like everyone else. How's your son Robert Jr? That's great. Lorraine is fine a bit moody but, she's fine. I'll see you tonight Rob. Take care now bye." Vinny told his cousin as he hung up the phone. 'Shit! I forgot to tell Lorraine that him and Amy are coming tonight!' He thought to himself almost at the ice rink. He walks into the ice rink and lights up a cigarette. The security guard comes up to him and ask him to put it out. "No I will not put it out." Vinny told the guard. "Sir can't you read that sign?" The guard asked him. "Yeah it says the same as that one but, I don't give a damn." Vinny politely told him. "Hey Vinny." Jake said as he walked up to them. "You know this guy?" The guard asked Jake. "Yeah he's my brother-in-law." Jake replied. "How do you know this rent-a-cop?" Vinny asked Jake. "This is Nora's old boyfriend Hank the model/actor." Jake replied. "Oh so you're underwear soaked in meat man. I guess you're trying out to be a rent-a-cop in your next movie?" Vinny told Hank. "No this is my job." Hank replied. "I guess you're not Hank the model/actor anymore you're Hank the god damn rent-a-cop." Vinny replied. "And what do you do for a living? You work for the Mob or something?" Hank asked him. "I own DiMiranda Sporting Goods. And don't say I was ever in the Mob again or I'll hurt you." Vinny told him. "Hey pal don't you get loud with me!" Hank yelled. "I wasn't yelling. This is yelling you god damn rent-a-cop!" Vinny then yelled back. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave this rink." Hank told him. "I would like to see you make me leave." Vinny told him as he put out his cigarette. "Vinny let's just go." Jake told him. "I just have to ask one more thing. Why did you have your pants set on fire? Did you lie to them because if you did that brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Liar, liar pants on fire'." Vinny asked him laughing. "That's it pal. It's time for me to kick your ass." Hank told him. "You don't want me to get physical with you toothpick. I'm 5'11" and weight 245 pounds. I played defensive line in college and went up against offensive line that were 6'3" 325 pounds." Vinny stated. "Let's go short stuff." Hank told him. "Ladies first." Vinny replied. Hank goes to punch Vinny but Vinny ducks Hank's fist, grabs Hank's arm and karate flips to the ground. "I told you not to mess with me toothpick." Vinny replied as him, Jake and Mike leave the rink laughing at how Hank was just beat up.


	2. Robert Arrives

Chapter 2: Robert Arrives

Vinny walks into the Baker house with Jake and Mike. "Dad you should have seen it." Jake told Tom. "Seen what?" Tom asked. "The way Vinny beat up Hank." Mike replied. "You beat up Hank?" Tom asked him. "He was getting on my nerves." Vinny told him. "What did he do?" Kate asked Vinny. "He took a swing at Vinny but, Vinny ducked and it missed him, then Vinny karate flipped him." Mike explained. "I don't think Hank will be messing with Vinny anymore." Jake told them. "It was nothing really." Vinny said to Tom and Kate. "Vinny I don't want you to use violence around my kids." Tom told him. "Tom it was self defense." Vinny then told him. "I don't care. You were the one who taught Mark that karate stuff and he was suspened from school for using it." Tom said to Vinny. "He used it on the kids that were picking on him. And who are you to talk you coach football which is the most violent American sport today." Vinny told Tom. "Hockey is violent." Mike said to Vinny. "It doesn't count. We borrowed hockey from the Canadians." Vinny explained. "Vinny I know what I do. I don't want my kids to get into fights." Tom said. "I don't like to fight either but, there are situations where sometimes there is no other choice then to fight." Vinny explained. "You mean like today?" Jake asked. "I lost my temper with that guy. I shouldn't have karate flipped him. The thing was he swung at me first and I had to defend myself." Vinny said to Jake. "That was so cool though." Mike told him. "It wasn't cool Vinny could have seriously hurt Hank today." Tom told Mike. "But he wasn't hurt. He got up for about two seconds and fell back to the ground but, he still got up." Vinny explained. "I don't want you using that karate stuff around my kids especially Nigel and Kyle!" Tom yelled. "I don't start fights I finish them. And if a guy is bugging me and deserves to be hit I will hit him." Vinny calmly told Tom. "You need to control your rage Vinny." Tom told him. "What rage? The only showing any sign of rage right now is you Tom." Vinny told Tom as he walked out the door.

Vinny goes home and is relaxing with Lorraine when their doorbell rings. "I got it." Vinny said as he walked towards the door. "Hey Vinny." Robert said as him and Amy walked in with their son Robert Jr. "I thought you guys weren't coming until tomorrow night?" Lorraine asked them. "I thought you knew? We told Vinny last week and then again this afternoon." Robert replied. "He never told me this." Lorraine told them. "I forgot." Vinny told her. "Vinny you're a bad husband." Robert told him. "I'm not a bad husband." Vinny then told him. "Then how come you never told Lorraine that we were coming a day early?" Robert then asked him. "Stop busting my chops man." Vinny told him with a smile. "I had to. I haven't seen my favorite cousin since May." Robert said giving Vinny a hug. "I missed you too Robert." Vinny told him. "What about Ray?" Amy asked. "What about Ray?" Vinny replied. "Amy don't bring down this joyful occasion by mentioning his name." Robert told her. "I thought he was your favorite cousin?" Lorraine asked. "Ray? I hated him. Robert's my favorite cousin." Vinny replied. "That's why I always liked you Vinny." Robert told him. "Remember when we put baby powder in his blow dryer and when he turned it on the baby powder got all over him?" Vinny said laughing. "Yeah. Good times, good times." Robert said also laughing at this. "Or how about the time we glued his hand to his desk?" Robert told him. "And then he called for your mother and she yelled at us and made us apologize for that." Vinny replied. "How old were you when you did these things to him?" Lorraine asked him. "It was May." Vinny replied. "Of what year?" Lorraine then asked him. "Of this year." Vinny replied. "Let's get off of the mean things you guys did to Ray. Vinny how's your business?" Amy asked him. "It's doing great. Everything is going smoothly." Vinny replied. "Lorraine how are you doing?" Amy asked her. "I'm doing good. Except for these mood swings,cravings and morning sickness I'm fine." Lorraine responded. "Do you know what you are going to have yet?" Robert asked. "We're waiting for everyone else to spill the good news." Vinny replied. "Do your annoying in-laws across the street know?" Robert asked. "Robert!" Amy yelled. "That's what Vinny called them." Robert told her. "Yeah. They know." Lorraine replied. "How can't they know? They're here everyday." Vinny replied. "That must be rough." Robert told him. "Now, I know how Debra felt everytime her in-laws came over." Vinny replied. "They can't be as bad as my mom and dad." Robert told him. "They aren't as bad as your parents, well not all of them." Vinny replied. "Who is worse then your aunt and uncle?" Lorraine asked him. "Sarah. She gets on my nerve every single day. She pulls pranks on me and makes my life miserable." Vinny told them. "She pulls pranks on you? A little girl pranks the King of Pranks?" Robert asked laughing. "She's no ordinary seventeen year old girl. She's like the spawn of Satan or something." Vinny responded. "She's not evil." Lorraine told him. "Baby she set Nora's old boyfriend on fire." Vinny told her. "She set someone on fire?" Robert asked. "Only his pants." Lorraine told them. "Vinny you better watch yourself." Robert told him. "I know. I have to watch my back with that one around." Vinny told them. "For the last time she's not evil." Lorraine told them. "You better hope that her and Ray don't join forces and try to get you." Robert told him. "I don't have to worry about Ray." Vinny told him. "Ray and me know things about you that this Sarah girl could use against you." Robert told him. "I see your point. We have to keep Sarah away from Ray." Vinny told Robert. They continue to talk and the doorbell rings again.


	3. Vinny In High School

Chapter 3: Vinny In High School

Vinny answers the door and the Bakers are at the door. "Hey guys." Vinny said as he answered the door. "Is this your cousin Ray?" Tom asked him. "Yeah right. This is my cousin Robert the Lieutenant in the NYPD. And this is his wife Amy and his son Robert Jr." Vinny said as he introduced them to his cousin Robert and his family. Robert stands up. "Hey you're tall enough to get my flying disc out of the tree. It got stuck there last month." Mike said to Robert. "Mike." Katesaid tohim. "It's okay. I get that alot." Robert told them. "Can we climb on you?" Nigel asked him. "Nigel!" Tom yelled. "I also get that alot." Robert told them. "Stop bothering my cousin." Vinny told them. "We're not bothering him." Sarah told him. "Don't start with me now Sarah." Vinny told her. "This is the evil spawn of Satan?" Robert asked looking at Sarah. "Evil spawn of Satan?" Sarah asked Vinny. "She's evil trust me." Vinny told them. "Vinny I can't see how this innocent girl is evil." Robert told him. "I like you." Sarah told Robert. "Oh my god!" Vinny yelled. "What?" Sarah asked. "You're manipulating them." Vinny told her. "Vinny are you all right?" Sarah asked him. "Who are you and what did you do with Sarah?" Vinny asked her. "Vinny you're my brother-in-law and I care about you." Sarah told him with a fake smile on her face. "I need some air." Vinny said as he went outside. Sarah follows him out there. "I don't know what you're up to but, you're up to something and I'm going to find out what." Vinny told her. "You know me all too well." Sarah told him. "I'll tell you what I'm going to do since you were the only one to see thatact I put on in there." Sarah told him. "What are you trying to do?" Vinny asked her. "I'm going to get your cousins and your aunt and uncle to tell me more about this band you were in. When I get more then enough info I'll use it to blackmail you." Sarah told him. "You better not." Vinny told her. "I need some dirt on you and your relatives are the perfect people to give me the dirt I need." Sarah told him. "I can't let you do that." Vinny told her. "And since your Barone relatives know more about you then anyone else besides your parents and your brothers. I will get alot on you." Sarah told him as she went back inside. 'She reminds of myself more and more everyday.' Vinny thought to himself as he followed her back in the house.

"Hey Vinny. You get enough air?" Robertasked as he walked in. "More then enough." Vinny told him. "Robert can I ask you about what Vinny was like in high school?" Lorraine asked him. 'Lorraine is doing my work for me.' Sarah thought to herself. "Vinny was a wild and crazy guy in high school." Robert told them. "Like what did he do?" Sarah asked him. "He would drink and throw the wildest parties when his dad went to Atlantic City that one week during the summer. I told my mom that I was going over there to look out for him but, I went there to party and help him clean up the place before his dad got home." Robert told him. "I heard about this band called the FBI. Tell me about them?" Sarah asked him. "That was the best band in his high school." Robert told them. "Vinny knew them didn't he?" Sarah then asked him. "Knew them? Vinny was best friends with all of them." Robert told them. "You were friends with them?" Lorraine asked him. "Yeah. Me and the lead guitarist were best friends and we played football together." Vinny told her. "I heard that the lead singer of that band was really good." Sarah told Robert. "That guy could sing and play the guitar." Robert told them. Vinny was turning white as a ghost. "What's wrong Vinny?" Sarah asked him. "Nothing." Vinny replied. "You sure Vinny?" Robert asked him. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just need a few shots of Jack Daniels." Vinny said as he went into the kitchen. "Vinny since you were friends with the whole band how close were you to the lead singer?" Sarah asked him. "Him and Vinny were really close. You could say that they were twins." Robert told them with a smirk on his face. "Robert can I see you in the kitchen?" Vinnyasked him. "What's wrong Vin?" Robert asked as he went into the kitchen. "Don't tell them anymore about the band I was in. They don't know anything about it. And I don't want them to." Vinny said to him. "You never told Lorraine?" Robert asked him. "The only people that know in that family is Sarah, Jake and Mike. Jake is the one with the long black hair and Mike was the one who asked you to get his flying disc." Vinny explained. "That's why she kept on asking me about the band?" Robert asked. "Yes. She wants you to tell everyone in her family so Lorraine can yell at me." Vinny then told him.

Back in the living room. "Sarah what were you thinking?" Jake asked her. "Yeah are you trying to get Vinny in trouble?" Mikeasked her. "He should of told Lorraine about his band along time ago." Sarah told them. "I'm still in shock that Vinny was in a band in high school and you were the one who told me and Mike." Jake told her. "This is only the first part. If Ray hates Vinny as much as Vinny hates him then I can really get some dirt on him." Sarah told them with a smile on her face.


	4. Aunt Marie and Uncle Frank

Chapter 4: Aunt Marie and Uncle Frank

After the Bakers leave and while Lorraine, Amy and Robert Jr. are asleep Vinny and Robert catch up with each other. "I can't believe it's been seven months since I last saw you." Vinny said. "It feels longer." Robert told him. "Your son has gotten big." Vinny said to Robert. "I know. He's going to be two in March." Robert told him. "That's it only two." Vinny said. "Yeah. He's big for his age." Robert explained. "Just like his old man." Vinny replied. Him and Robert laugh at that comment. "I mean you're 6'8". If I was you I would have Robert Jr. try out for the basketball team if he grows to be as tall as you." Vinny explained. "I don't want to push him into sports." Robert said. "If he does play basketball or any other sport hopefully football, give me a call and I'll hook you up with anything you need. If your son needs a sponsor for his team I'll do that. If he needs any equipment I'll come to Long Island and go to DiMiranda's with you and get him whatever he needs." Vinny explained. "Vinny you don't have to." Robert told him. "Hey after what you did for me. Consider it paying you back for all those speeding tickets you got me out of. I owe you bro, you got me out of jail after that bar fight I had." Vinny explained. "How many guys did you fight that night anyway three,four?" Robert asked him. "Three. I was doing good until they jumped me all at once." Vinny told him. "You were busted up pretty bad that night. A gash above your righteye, a leftblackeye , a busted lip and a bloody nose." Robert told him. "I remember. I couldn't see out of my right eye for three days." Vinny said with a laugh. They continue to talk.

It's the next day and Vinny is doing everything he can to make sure Lorraine and his Aunt Marie get along. "I'll cook and I'll say that you made it." Vinny told her. "You actually think my mom will believe that?" Robert asked him. "No but, it's worth a shot." Vinny told them. "Well, maybe she won't. Eight hours in the car with Frank she has to bored out of her mind and maybe she won't realize it." Amy told them trying to look on the bright side like she always did. "I don't know how you do it Robert." Vinny told him. "Do what?" Robert asked. "Be married to someone so cheery. I couldn't put up with that." Vinny told him. "I'm not cheery?" Lorraine asked. "Are we still married?" Vinny then asked. "Yeah." Lorraine replied. "Then you're not cheery." Vinny told her. "I'm pregnant!" Lorraine yelled. "You weren't pregnant when your family came to visit in July of last year." Vinny replied. The front door opens and Jake, Mike and Sarah walk in. "Don't you guys knock?" Vinny asked them. "What for?" Mike asked him. "That's what normal people do when they visit someone." Vinny told them. "Marie and Frank don't ring the door bell when they come to our house." Amy told him. "Are they normal?" Vinny asked her. "I see your point." Amy replied. "They aren't here yet?" Sarah asked. "Do you see an old man sitting in that chair with pants opened and do you see Lorraine arguing with an a kind old lady?" Vinny asked them. "Your aunt isn't kind." Lorraine replied. "She's the kindest person I know." Vinny told her. "Maybe she's kindto you and Raymond." Robert said. "I'm not kind?" Lorraine asked. "Not when you have that look on your face like you're going to kill someone." Vinny told her. "What look?" Lorraine then asked. "The look you get everytime you get when you see my aunt." Vinny replied. Just as he said that Aunt Marie walks into the door. "There it is." Vinny said. "Hello dears." Marie said as she walked into the kitchen. "Hi mom." Robert said as he went to hug her. Marie walks right by him and goes to hug Vinny. "I think Robert wanted a hug." Vinny told her as she had him a vice grip. "I see Robert everyday. I don't see you that often anymore." Marie told him. "That's because I live in Chicago now." Vinny replied. "What made you move here anyway?" Marie asked giving Lorraine a dirty look. "Hey Vinny where's your booze?" Frank asked as he walked in. "In the fridge Uncle Frank." Vinny told him. Frank gets a beer and walks over to Sarah. "Excuse me young man that's my seat." Frank told her. "I'm not a boy. I'm a girl." Sarah replied. "Well, then excuse me toots that's my chair." Frank then replied. "Sarah could you do me a favor and get up for my uncle?" Vinny asked. "What's in it for me?" Sarah asked him. "Twenty bucks." Vinny replied. "Deal." Sarah said getting up. Frank sits down and opens his pants. "Frank there are little children in the room!" Marie yelled. "Marie I had to put up with your nagging for eight hours in the car. I think I deserve to relax!" Frank yelled back. "They argue more then you two." Mike told Vinny. "Where do you think I get it from?" Vinny asked him. "What's up dude?" Jake asked Frank. "Nothing much hippy boy." Frank replied. "Dude I'm not a hippy. I'm a skateboarder." Jake told him. "What the hell is that?" Frank asked him. "I ride skateboards." Jake told him. "Again what the hell is a skateboard?" Frank asked again. "It's the long board with wheels on it Uncle Frank." Vinny told him. "You mean the idiot board?" Frank asked. "Yeah. That's it dad the idiot board." Robert replied sarcastically. "Why do you call it the idiot board?" Jake asked Frank. "Because only idiots ride those damn things." Frank responded. "I'm not an idiot." Jake told him. "Then why do ride one of them?" Frank asked him. "Because it's what I'm good at." Jake responded. "I thought hippies were good at smoking pot and surfing?" Frank asked him. "I'm not a hippy." Jake said yet again. "Frank hippies don't surf they would fall off their board from being high all the time." Marie told him. "I think you guys should leave. I'll call you guys when my cousin Ray gets here with his kids so you guys can meet them." Vinny told Jake, Sarah and Mike. Sarah hold out her hand to Vinny. "What?" Vinny asked her. "Where's my twenty bucks?" Sarah asked. "She got you there Vinny." Frank said laughing. Vinny gives Sarah twenty bucks and she leaves with Jake and Mike.


	5. Cousin Ray

Chapter 5: Cousin Ray

"Did you get the birthday present I sent you?" Vinny asked his aunt. "I did. I loved it but, I would of loved it more if you came to visit me on my birthday." Marie said. "I'm sorry Aunt Marie. I was busy here." Vinny replied. "I don't know how many more birthdays I'm going to have Vinny." Marie told him trying to make him feel guilty. "Are you trying to make me feel guilty for not going to your birthday party?" Vinny asked her. "I don't want you to feel anything. I'm just the person who helped your father out with you boys when your mother died." Marie responded. "I appreciate that and I tell you that everytime I see you." Vinny told her. "That was the best and worst three months of my life." Frank told them. "Was so great about those three months?" Robert asked him. "It was the worse because my sister recently passed away and I had to cook for myself. It was the best because it was three months free of your mother." Frank replied. "You missed me Frank." Marie told him. "I only missed you when I had to eat the meals I cooked." Frank told her. "Let's get off this topic please." Vinny said. "Fine. Then tell me why you never called that real estate agent I told you two about?" Marie asked. "Aunt Marie we live here now." Lorraine said. "You don't have to call me aunt dear." Marie told her. "I want to." Lorraine told her trying to nice. "I don't think it's right. I don't know you and you don't know me. It just doesn't feel right." Marie said to Lorraine. Lorraine has that look on her face again. "Remember Lorraine you're pregnant." Vinny said to her seeing her face. "Which reminds me, what are you two going to have?" Robert asked. "Since I'm with the people I love. I guess we could tell you guys now." Vinny told them. "Wait for Raymond." Marie replied. "I'll repeat what I just said. Since I'm with the people I love." Vinny said again. "Raymond isn't here yet." Marie told him again.

The Bakers ring the door bell. "Why did you ring the door bell?" Sarah asked Tom. "It's what you're suppose to do when you visit someone." Tom replied. "That must be Raymond. I'll get it." Marie said as she went to get the door. "Oh, hello. What are you people doing here?" Marie said as she answered the door. "We're here to see Lorraine and Vinny." Kate answered. "Did they tell you what the babies are yet?" Mike asked Marie. "Babies? You people know what gender the babies are?" Marie asked. "Vinny didn't tell you yet?" Tom asked. "No, he didn't. I didn't even know Vinny was having more then one child." Marie said with a fake smile on her face. The Bakers walk in. "Vinny can talk to you for a second?" Marie asked him. "Surething after I get this done." Vinny told her. "Now." Marie said with an angry look on her face. Vinny goes with her after hearing the tone in her voice. "Why didn't you tell me that you were having more then one child?" Marie asked slapping Vinny in the back of the head. "I was going to tell you." Vinny replied. "They know and I don't." Marie said refering to the Bakers. "They live across the street. It's pretty hard to keep anything from them." Vinny responded. Vinny tells Marie the gender of the babies and Marie hugs him.

Marie walks in with a big smile on her face. "This day couldn't get any better." Marie said with a smile on her face. Just then the door bell rings. "I'll get it." Vinny said getting up. "Hey Vinny." Debra said as he opened the door. "You look great Debra." Vinny replied hugging her. 'Thank god. Reinforcement.' Lorraine thought to herself after she saw Debra. "Hello dears." Marie said as walked up to Debra and the kids. "Hi Marie." Debra replied. "Hi Grandma." The kids replied. "It's so good to see you." Lorraine told Debra as they walked into the kitchen. "Has she driven you nuts yet?" Debra asked Lorraine. "Completely." Lorraine answered. "Multiply that by a thousand and you know how I feel everyday." Debra told Lorraine. Ray walks into the house. "Good Raymond's here. You can tell us now Vinny." Marie said as she grabbed Ray's arm and sat him next to her on the couch. "What is it Vinny? Did your company make another million dollars and you have to rub it in my face?" Ray asked. "No but, it did make two million dollars. Something that you will never see all at once with your job." Vinny replied with a smirk on his face. Robert, Vinny and Frank are laughing at that comment. Marie looks at them and they stop laughing. "Lorraine is going to have twins." Vinny told them. "Twins?" Robert asked. "A girl." Vinny told them. "Oh man two girls. I feel bad for you." Ray said with a laugh. "No. A girl and a boy." Vinny said to Ray. "Congatulations!" Robert said as he hugged Lorraine and Vinny. "Robert not so tight." Lorraine told him. "Sorry." Robert replied. "A boy and a girl?" Ray asked. "What's wrong Raymond? Are you jealous of Vinny?" Robert asked with a smile on his face. "Me jealous of him? Please if anything he's jealous of me." Ray told them. "I make more money then you. Why would I be jealous of you?" Vinny asked him. "Beacuse I get to travel and meet famous athletes." Ray replied. "I travel and meet famous athletes also Ray. But, I travel in my own private planes." Vinny responded. "While you have to use public planes like everyone else." Robert then said. "I'm not jealous of Vinny." Ray said. "I think he's lying Vinny." Robert told him. "I think that too. Look his nose is getting bigger." Vinny said as him and Robert started to laugh at Ray."Stop it you two." Marie said to Vinny and Robert. "I'm sorry Pinnochio." Vinny said to Ray.

Ray gets up and walks out of the house. Sarah goes with him. "You want to get your cousin back?" Sarah asked him. "Who are you?" Ray asked her. "A person who wants to get Vinny back also." Sarah told him. "I would but, how?" Ray asked her. "Leave it all to me." Sarah told him with an evil look on her face as they shook hands.


	6. Mike Drops In

Chapter 6: Mike Drops In

Ray and Sarah walk in laughing. 'That can't be good.' Vinny thought to himself after he saw them walk in the house. "Vinny aren't you going to introduce meto these fine people over there?" Ray asked him. "Okay. These are the Bakers. This is Tom, Kate, Sarah, Jake, Mark, Kim, Jessica, Mike, Nigel and Kyle. And these are Ray, Debra, Ally, Michael and Geoffrey." Vinny said introducing everyone to each other. " Me and Ray had an interesting conversation outside." Sarah told Vinny. " About what?" Vinny asked nervously. "You seem worried Vinny." Ray told him. "You and Sarah talking. I have something to be nervous about." Vinny replied. "Vinny who's that?" Ally asked him. "Which one?" Vinny asked. "The one with the skull cap on with the long black hair." Ally answered. "That's Jake." Vinny responded. "Thanks." Ally replied as she walked away. "You know she likes my brother Jake right?" Lorraine asked him. "She does?" Vinny replied. "It's so obvious." Debra then told him. "I sure hope not." Vinny told them. "What's wrong with Jake?" Lorraine asked him. "For starters he's a year older then her." Vinny stated. "And you'resix years older then me." Lorraine answered. "Ray isn't going to like this." Vinny replied. "That's why I thought you of all people would like to see Ally with Jake." Debra told him. "I hate Ray but, I don't hate him that much." Vinny responded. "How much do you hate Ray then?" Debra asked him. "More then Ohio State." Vinny replied. "Do you hate him more then my sister Sarah?" Lorraine asked. "Not by that much." Vinny told her.

"Hey." Ally said as she walked up to Jake. "Hey." Jake replied back. "I'm Ally." Ally told him. "I'm Jake." Jake said as he shook her hand. "Is that hard to do?" Ally asked Jake as he was ridng his skateboard outside in the street. "At first but, after you get the hang of it. It's pretty easy." Jake responded. "How come your dad and Vinny hate each other?" Jake then asked her. "I don't know. They just do." Ally told him. "Vinny's a cool guy." Jake replied. "I know he is. He has always gotten along with everyone else in my family. Especially my Uncle Robert." Ally explained. "My sister Sarah hates Vinny also." Jake told her. "The one with the black hair that kept on giving Vinny dirty looks?" Ally asked. "Yeah that's her." Jake replied.

Back in the house Frank sees someone outside Vinny's window. "Holy Crap! Vinny there's a kid hanging from your roof!" Frank yelled as he saw this. "Vinny Mike was showing us how to rappell from the roof and his rope starting to break and now he's stuck up there." Geoffrey explained to Vinny. "Which Mike your brother or my brother-in-law?" Vinny asked. "Your brother-in-law Mike." Geoffrey replied. "Oh my god! Vinny go out ther and help him down!" Marie yelled. Vinny and Robert go outside to help Mike down. "Mike what were you thinking!" Vinny yelled at him. "I was thinking I wanted to hang from your house and almost die!" Mike yelled back. "Mike let go of the rope!" Vinnythen yelled. "Are you crazy?" Mike asked him. "Robert will catch you. He can almost reach you as it is. You just have to let go and you'll fall only a few feet." Vinny explained to him. "I'm not letting go!" Mike yelled back. "Then I'm coming up there to get you." Vinny told him.

Vinny goes inside, goes upstairs and climbs out the window that Mike climbed out of. Vinny is walking on the roof and slips on ice and falls. He grabs on to the gutters and is hanging there next to Mike. "Nice of you to drop in." Mike told him. "Unhook yourself from the rope. I promise that my cousin Robert will catch you." Vinny told him. "You promise?" Mike asked him. "I promise. On three. One,two." At two Vinny unhooks Mike from the rope and Mike falls on top of Robert. "You can let go now Vinny. Mike is safe." Lorraine told him. "Is Robert behind me?" Vinny asked. "Yes. Just jump." Ray told him. Vinny lets go and falls flat on his back. "Raymond why did you tell him I was behind him?" Robert asked getting up. "I thought you were." Ray told him. Vinny is on the ground in the snow. "Ray you will pay for this one." Vinny told Ray as he was getting up. "Nice one." Sarah told Ray. "Thanks." Ray said as him and Sarah were laughing at Vinny.


	7. The Pool Hall

Chapter 7: The Pool Hall

The Bakers are now gone leaving Lorraine alone with Vinny's relatives. "Vinny you made this didn't you?" Marie asked him. "No, Lorraine did." Vinny replied. "Vinny don't lie." Marie told him. "I'm not." Vinny answered her. " I can teach Lorraine to cook but, I can't teach you?" Marie asked Debra. "Marie I can cook." Debra told her. Marie laughs and says "That's a funny joke.". "I don't think she's joking mom." Ray told her. "Hey Vinny, what are you going to name the babies?" Robert asked him. "Danny and Kate." Vinny replied. "Kate? Why Kate?" Marie asked. "My mom's name is Kate." Lorraine said. "That's nice." Marie said with a fake smile. "Well since John named his daughter Samantha I couldn't name my daughter Samantha also. Her middle name will be Samantha. And Danny's middle name will be Joseph." Vinny explained. "What about naming your daughter Marie?" Marie asked them. "Because we decided the baby girls name will be Kate." Vinny told her. "Kate is a nice name but, Marie is a better name." Marie told him. "Marie, it's their baby and if they want to name it Kate they can." Debra said. "You never liked me." Marie replied to Debra. "That's not true mom." Ray told her. "Raymond I can tell she doesn't like me because of the feeling I get everytime I walk into the house." Marie explained. "You must get that feeling alot." Frank said to Marie.

Vinny's cell phone rings. "Hello? Hey Nick. What? Calm down. He did what! All right I'll be there just stay there!" Vinny told Nick as he hung up his cell phone. "What's wrong Vinny?" Marie asked him. "I have to go to the pool hall and get Jake his money." Vinny explained. "What money?" Lorraine asked. "He made a bet with a twenty one year old kid and the kid won't give Jake the money he owes them. So, it's either I go down there and get his money or I kick the ass of the twenty one year old until he gets his money." Vinny then explained. "You want me to go down there with you?" Lorraine asked. "No stay here. Robert I need you to go with me though. Maybe, if you quickly show them your badge they won't realize it's from New York." Vinny told him. "I'll go with you guys." Ray said getting his coat. "Stay here Ray. It might get physical." Vinny told him as he grabbed his lettermen jacket from Michigan and put on one of his Bowl Championship rings. "Why are you putting that on?" Robert asked. "So if I throw a punch with this hand I will leave an indented M on his forehead." Vinny explained. They get into Lorraine's car and leave for the pool hall.

They arrive at the pool hall and see Jake and Nick waiting for them outside. "What's wrong?" Vinny asked Jake. "Vinny let's just go." Jake told him. "No. That guy owes you money and I'm going to get it for you. One way or another." Vinny then told him. "My brother just pulled up. Maybe he can help Vinny get your money." Nick said as he saw his brother's car. "What's the problem?" Nick's brother asked him. "Jake played this twenty one year old in pool and Jake won. Now the guy won't give Jake his money." Nick explained. "I'll handle it." Nick's brother told Vinny who had his back towards him. "I got it Kevin." Vinny told him. "How do you know my name?" Kevin asked him. "It's me the guy who kept those 315 pound offensive linemen off of you." Vinny told him turning around. "Oh shit. Vinny how the hell are you?" Kevin asked him. "I'm good." Vinny told him hugging him. "How do you know Kevin Riley?" Jake asked Vinny. "I played college ball with him. He was the guy I had to protect so that he can make all the plays on defense." Vinny told Jake. "We were also roommates." Kevin said. "Yeah. He was drafted in my spot." Vinny told them. "You wish you were drafted fifthteenth overall and make the money I make." Kevin told him. "I make more money then you. I own DiMiarnda Sporting Goods." Vinny told Kevin. "Good for you." Kevin replied. "Are you guys going to get Jake's money or not?" Nick asked them. "It will be like college again." Kevin told Vinny. "You remember my cousin Robert right?" Vinny asked. "Oh yeah. You still a cop?" Kevin asked him. "I'm a Lieutenant." Robert replied.

They walk into the pool hall and Nick shows Vinny the guy who owes Jake money. Vinny walks over to him. "I believe you owe this guy some money?" Vinny asked. "I don't owe him shit. He should of got it in writing." The guy replied. "It's either you give it to him without any problems or I make you give it to him." Vinny told him. "I would like to see you try." The guy said as his two other friends got up. "Shouldn't you two go help him?" Nick asked Robert and Kevin. "He can handle himself. In college he took on four seniors by himself when he was a freshmen. He got his ass kciked but he still stood up to them." Kevin said. The guy starts to shove Vinny. "Don't shove me." Vinny calmly told him. "What are you going to do about it?" The guy asked him. The guy goes to shove Vinny again. Vinny grabs the guys wrist, bends it backwards and kicks the guy in the chest as he was falling to the ground. His two friends attack Vinny. Vinny is getting beat up. Robert and Kevin jump in. It's an all out brawl. The cops are called. Vinny, Robert and Kevin are arrested and brought to jail. Jake calls Lorraine's cell phone. "Hi Lorraine. It's Jake. You might want to come down here and pick up your car. Vinny's in jail. I'll explain everything when you get here. Don't tell dad." Jake told her as he hung up his phone.


	8. Slammed

Kevin Riley isn't a real football player. So don't sue.

Chapter 8: Slammed

Vinny, Robert and Kevin are in a holding cell. "You're usually on the other side of the bars. Aren't you?" Vinny asked Robert trying to make Robert laugh. "This is no time for jokes. Everybody just remain calm!" Robert yelled. "We are calm. It's you who isn't." Kevin replied. "I'm sorry. It's just that I never been on this side of the bars before." Robert told them. "Don't worry nothing can go wrong." Vinny said to Robert. "You guys are free to go on bail." The guard told them. "What did I tell you?" Vinny said to Robert. Ray walks into the area where they have the holding cells. "Oh shit." Vinny said as he saw Raymond. "It looks like you guys needed me after all." Ray told them. "Hey Ray Barone, what are you doing here?" Kevin asked him. "I'm here to bail my brother Robert and cousin Vinny from the pokey." Ray told him. "You don't have to." Vinny told him. "I want to." Ray told him. Ray bails them out of jail and they go back to Vinny's house.

It's the next morning and the door bell rings. Vinny answers it and it's Tom standing there with the front page of the paper. He hands it to Vinny. "All Pro Chicago Bear Linebacker Kevin Riley and Excollege Teammate Vinny DiMiranda Relive College Days By Causing A Brawl In Fast Eddie's Pool Hall Last Night." Vinny said as he read the headline outloud. "You happy now?" Tom asked him. "No. I got by ass kicked last night and went to jail." Vinny told him. "Jake was at that pool hall last night." Tom told him. "He was?" Vinny said acting like he didn't know Jake was there. "Jake told me everything." Tom said with anger in his voice. "I guess you know why I was there then." Vinny said. "Yeah. I do. Jake is grounded two months for gambling. Vinny I told you not to use violence in front of my kids." Tom explained. "It was a last resort." Vinny told him. "Ever since they met you they got in trouble more often. Mark was suspened from school for fighting. Jake was gambling at pool. A game at which you taught him how to hustle people in. You were the one who taught Mark that karate stuff. And Sarah is pulling more pranks then ever trying to find one that she can get you with!" Tom yelled. "I'm proud I taught Mark karate because he's not getting bullied anymore! Jake I'll take the blame for because you're right I was the one who taught him how to hustle people in pool and I'll even take the blame for Sarah!" Vinny yelled back. "What's all the yelling about?" Marie asked as she came downstairs. "You're degenerate nephew!" Tom yelled. "You have no right to call my nephew a degenerate. He's a good boy." Marie said getting in Tom's face. "A good boy? A good boy! He was in a pool hall fight last night!" Tom yelled at her. "Tom if you want to yell at some yell at me not my aunt!" Vinny yelled at Tom getting in between Tom and his aunt. "You stay out of this!" Marie yelled at Vinny moving him aside. "No one talks about my family like that. And let me tell you something else the only reason my nephew went to that pool hall last night is so that your son Jack can get his money." Marie told Tom. "It's Jake Aunt Marie." Vinny told her. "It doesn't matter what his name is. What matters is that this man is bad mouthing my family!" Marie yelled at Tom. Lorraine, Frank, Raymond, Debra, Robert and Amy come down the stairs now. "Vinny what did your aunt do?" Lorraine asked him. "Nothing. It was your father who accussed me of being a degenerate." Vinny told her. "Vinny might be alot of things but, he's not a degenerate." Ray told Tom. "It was your son that acted out last night." Robert then told Tom. "My son was doing something that Vinny taught him." Tom explained to them. "I already took the blame for Jake's actions last night." Vinny told his family. "You don't have to take any actions for those children across the street." Marie told him. "What's that suppose to mean?" Tom asked Marie. "I'll tell you what it means. It means that your kids were messed up before my nephew even met them. You let your son rappell from a roof, you let your seventeen year old daughter dress like a boy and you let your oldest son gamble." Marie explained. "The only reason that Jake gambled last night was because of him!" Tom yelled pointing at Vinny. "Jake's not the oldest son. He has two other sons. One in college on a band scholarship and one that works as a mechanic." Vinny told them. "A band scholarship? What happened they ran out of ballet scholarships?" Frank asked Vinny. "Frank a band scholarship doesn't mean that his son is gay." Marie told him. "Then what does it mean?" Frank asked Marie. "It just means that his son wasn't good at sports or school so he had to get a scholarship in something else." Marie replied. "Excuse me?" Tom asked Marie. "That's right excuse you. You have no right to blame Vinny for anything." Marie told him. "Then who do I blame Vinny's parents?" Tom asked. "Don't bring my parents into this Tom." Vinny warned him. "Didn't you tell Jake it was your father who taught how to play pool? And wasn't it your father who signed you up for those karate classes?" Tom asked Vinny. "My father was a great man and a great father! He raised three boys by himself! You couldn't even raise one kid by yourself!" Vinny yelled at Tom. "Are you saying that I'm a bad father?" Tom asked him. "If it wasn't for Kate that whole house would be in shambles! Lorraine told me about the time Kate went to New York and you were left with eleven kids by yourself! They were out of control!" Vinny explained. "I never said we were out of control." Lorraine told him. "Your brothers and sisters are out of control now! Imagine what they were like when there was only one parent and I use that term losely." Vinny explained. "You have no right to question my parenting!" Tom yelled. "Hey pal. Don't you yell at my nephew." Frank told Tom. "Why should I listen to you?" Tom asked. "Becasue I'll kick your ass right here Nancy!" Frank told him. Vinny has to get in between Tom and his Uncle Frank. "I think it would a good idea if you left now after all the problems you cause here today." Marie toldTom as she slammed the door in Tom's face.


	9. Hate

Chapter 9: Hate

Tom goes back to his house and is fuming. He walks into his house. "What happened?" Kate asked him. "Vinny's demented family." Tom answered. "What did they do?" Kate asked him. "I went over there to show Vinny the papers front page and his aunt went bolistic on me." Tom replied. "Tom you didn't lose your cool did you?" Kate asked. "No." Tom responded. "What did you do?" Kate asked him. "Nothing. I went over there and talked to him about last night. " Tom told her. "And you lost your cool." Kate added. "Maybe alittle." Tom replied. "Tom, you said something stupid didn't you?" Kate then asked him. "No. His uncle challenged me to a fight. Vinny said I was a bad parent. And his aunt said that our kids are out of control." Tom told her. "They did all that?" Kate asked him. "Yes." Tom responded. "You're not a bad parent and our kids aren't out of control. Maybe crazy but, not out of control." Kate said to him. "I hate that family." Tom said. "You don't hate them." Kate told him. "Who does dad hate?" Mike asked walking into the kitchen. "No one dear." Kate told Mike. "I hate Vinny and his whole family." Tom said to Mike. "What happened?" Mike asked him. Tom told Mike evrything that happened at Vinny's house. "Vinny didn't say that." Mike told Tom. "Yes he did." Tom told him.

At Vinny's house his aunt is acting like nothing happened. "I'll make breakfast and everyone will forget all about what just happened." Marie told them. "You can't just make breakfast and pretend nothing happened." Lorraine told her. "Have you ever ate one of my aunts breakfast?" Vinny asked her. "Vinny you were out of line with what you said to my father." Lorraine told him. "And it was all right for your dad to shove the paper in my face. And make me look like crap." Vinny told her. "It wasn't right of him either." Lorraine said. "As long as you admit he shouldn't of started the fight." Marie told her. "Marie you need to butt out." Lorraine told her. Everyone just looks at Lorraine. "You think I butt in? I was only defending my family. Your father was trying to make my nephew look like a hoodlum." Marie told her. "He was in a pool hall fight for no reason." Lorraine told her. "The only reason I went down there was to help out your brother Jake." Vinny told her. "You still didn't have to get into a fight." Lorraine told him. "Lorraine, Vinny doesn't let people push him around. He isn't one of those people who believes in talking things over first. He believes in shoot first ask questions later." Robert told her. "Talking is the best way to resolve problems." Lorraine replied. "That's between a man and a woman or two women. Not between two men. They have to battle to gain some respect." Frank told her. "Frank you threatened to kick my dad's ass." Lorraine told him. "He shoudln't of come into this house and start yelling at Vinny." Frank told her. "You people are nuts." Lorraine told them. "That's why I love them so much." Vinny told her. "You say that you hate your cousin Ray all the time." Lorraine told him. "Vinny doesn't hate Raymond. Who could hate Raymond?" Marie asked. "Jerry Mouso." Robert told her. "That's only one person." Marie told him. "Vinny hates him." Robert then said. "Vinny doesn't hate Raymond." Marie said again. "It's true I hate Raymond." Vinny said. "Don't say hate. You dislike him not hate him." Marie told him. "And I hate Vinny." Ray said. "Raymond!" Marie yelled. Raymond and Vinny start laughing. "What are you two laughing at?" Marie asked them. "We don't hate each other we just don't see eye to eye." Vinny told her. "We have different opinions." Ray told then her.

Lorraine got up and went to walk out the door. "Where are you going?" Vinny asked her. "I'm going across the street where people are actually normal. And I'm probably going to spend the night." Lorraine told Vinny as she walked out the door. "She hates me." Marie told them. "She doesn't hate you. You two just don't see eye to eye." Vinny told Marie. "She said our family wasn't normal." Marie told him. "Aunt Marie this family isn't normal." Vinny told her. Marie looks around at everyone. "You're right we aren't normal." Marie told him as she was making breakfast.


	10. Fighting Families

Chapter 10: Fighting Families

It's December 23. Vinny hasn't talked to the Bakers since that incident with Tom two days ago. But, Vinny has been sneaking over to the Baker household to spend nights with his wife.

"What time is it?" Vinny asked Lorraine. "It's 5 in the morning." She replied. "I got to go. My aunt wakes up in an hour and if I'm not back by then, she'll kill me." Vinny told her as he was leaving her room. Vinny goes downstairs to leave and Mike sees him. "Vinny?" Mike asked rubbing his eyes. Vinny stands still thinking Mike will believe that he's sleepwalking. "I can still see you Vinny." Mike told him. "Damn." Vinny said as Mike walked up to him. "I haven't seen you in two days." Mike said. "Well you know with your dad and my family fighting. It's been kind of tough to come over here during the day." Vinny explained. "I know. The whole thing is stupid." Mike told him as he sat on the couch. "It all started when your dad came to my house and shoved that paper headline in my face." Vinny then told Mike as he sat next to Mike on the couch. "The one about the pool hall fight?" Mike asked. "That's the one." Vinny told him. "Your family seems nice." Mike told him. "Yeah. They seem nice." Vinny tolod him with a laugh. "Well your cousins seem nice." Mike told them. "My cousins Ray and Robert are nice people. Their wives Debra and Amy are also nice. Hell, even their kids are nice. It's my Aunt Marie and Uncle Frank that are nutcases." Vinny explained to Mike. "Your aunt isn't a nutcase she just really loves her family. And your uncle is well." Mike started to say. "Not a people person. Shouldn't be around strangers. Should be kept in the house and never let loose on civilization." Vinny explained to Mike. "I wasn't going to say all that. I was going to say your unlce speaks his mind and uses a unique vocabulary to express himself." Mike told him trying not to laugh. "It's all right Mike. You can laugh. My uncle does do all those things you said." Vinny told him. "Your cousin Ally likes my brother Jake doesn't she?" Mike asked him. "She does. I think that it's just a crush nothing major." Vinny told him. "Geoffrey and Michael are cool." Mike told him. "I don't want you to teach them how to rappell from my roof or anyother roof anymore." Vinny told Mike. "Sure thing Vinny." Mike told him. "This is nice. Me and you talking. No one yelling." Vinny said. "I just wish that my dad would go talk to your aunt and uncle. So, we can put this whole thing behind us." Mike told Vinny. "That's not going to happen. You have a better chance of Hell freezing over." Vinny explained. They continue to talk until five minutes to six.

Vinny has to get home before his aunt gets up. He walks in the door as his aunt was coming down the stairs. "Where were you dear?" Marie asked him. "I just went out for a drive." Vinny replied. "You were over at that house again weren't you?" Marie then asked him. "No, I wasn't." Vinny told her. "Vinny don't lie." Marie then responded. "I was over there." Vinny told her. "After what that man did?" Marie asked him. "Lorraine is my wife. I missed her. I also have to tell you that I was over there the last two nights also." Vinny explained. "Vinny you don't need her." Marie siad to him. "Aunt Marie she's my wife. No matter how much you don't like it." Vinny explained. "You think I don't like her?" Marie asked him. "I know you don't like her. You gave her a dirty look when you first got here. You always criticize her cooking. And you want me and her to move back to New York. We live here now." Vinny told her. "I want her to be the best wife she can be to you. You deserve it Vinny." Marie explained to him. "I don't want her to be perfect. I love her the way she is. I don't know why you can't see that?" Vinny said to his aunt. "Vinny I'm only looking out for your best interest." Marie then told him. "Aunt Marie I'm 26 years old. I can look after myself." Vinny told her. "Vinny I know what's best for you." Marie told him. "Aunt Marie I can take care of myself. And I appreciate everything you did for me my whole life. You know that I love you like a mother. But, stop treating me like you treat Raymond. I can handle myself." Vinny explained to her. "Vinny she's not the one for you." Marie told him. "I married her. She's the one. I'm happy with my life right now. I haven't been this happy in a long time." Vinny told her. "She makes you happy?" Marie asked him. "Yes." Vinny replied. "That's all I wanted to here is that you're happy." Marie told him.

Marie and Vinny go over to the Baker house. Charlie answers the door. "Hey Vinny." Charlie said as he shook his hand. "How have you been Charlie?" Vinny asked. "I'm good." Charlie told him. "You like being married?" Vinny then asked him. "I couldn't be happier." Charlie told him. "That's good." Vinny said. "I'm Vinny's Aunt Marie." Marie said to Charlie. "I remember you from Vinny's wedding." Charlie told her. "Is your dad around?" Vinny asked Charlie. "I'll go get him. Come in while I get him." Charlie told them. "Thanks." Vinny said as him and his aunt walked in. Jake walks into the room where they are. "What's up Vinny?" Jake asked him. "Nothing much bro." Vinny replied. "What are you doing here?" Jake asked him. "Me and my aunt are here to settle things between your father and my family." Vinny explained. "Good luck." Jake told them as he walked out of the room. "Later bro." Vinny told Jake as he was leaving. Tom walks into the room. "Hey Tom." Vinny said as he walked into the room. "Vinny." Tom replied. "Hello again." Marie said to Tom. "Hi." Tom replied. "I want you two to work things out. I want you guys to get along. I don't want things to be the way they are between you and Uncle Frank, Debra's and Amy's parents. How you can't get along with them and always fight when they come over to visit." Vinny explained. "You want me to talk to him by myself?" Marie asked pointing at Tom. "It won't be fun for me either." Tom told her. "I'll leave you two alone." Vinny said as he left. "I don't like this as much as you." Tom told Marie. "Is it that obivious?" Marie asked him. "I shouldn't have yelled and said those things about Vinny." Tom told her. "As long as you admit you were wrong." Marie said to him. "Don't you have something to say to me?" Tom asked her. "I don't believe so." Marie told him. "I believe you owe me an apology." Tom said to her. "Apology? I don't apologize for anything when I know I'm right." Marie told him. "Marie we're both adults here. I apologized for all those things I did." Tom told her. "Of course you did. You were wrong." Marie told him. "I wasn't wrong. Your nephew was wrong for getting into that pool hall brawl!" Tom yelled. "Don't you raise your voice with me." Marie told him as she stood up. "Oh now I look like the bad guy again?" Tom asked her. "I never said that. You just said it for me." Marie told him. "You're crazy you know that?" Tom asked her. "If by crazy you mean crazy about my family then yes I'm crazy." Marie told Tom as she walked out of the room.

"Let's go Vinny." Marie told him. "What happened in there?" Vinny asked her. "Your aunt wouldn't apologize for what she did." Tom told him. "Why does she need to apologize? You're the one who came to my house and started this whole feud." Vinny told him. "I wasn't the one who was arrested for a pool hall fight." Tom said to Vinny. "What is this really about? Is it becuase I married Lorraine? I'm not Bud. I don't back down from a fight and I stick up for myself. I have a backbone." Vinny told him. "It's not any of those things." Tom replied. "Then what is it? It's because he's Italian isn't it? You hate Italian Americans." Marie said to Tom. "I don't hate Italian Americans!" Tom yelled. "I'm going to tell this to the both of you once and only once so listen very carefully. Me and Lorraine are married and never going to get divorced and if you two can't accept that, stay out of mine and her life!" Vinny said as he walked out the door.


	11. Can't We All Just Get Along

Chapter 11: Can't We All Just Get Along

"You see what you did?" Marie asked Tom. "What I did?" Tom then replied. "You don't like him admit it!" Marie yelled. "And you don't like my daughter!" Tom yelled back. "How dare you! You don't know anything do you? Lorraine is a wonderful bride for Vinny. I just don't want to see my nephew get hurt!" Marie then yelled. "If anyone is going to get hurt it's my daughter. Your nephew would leave her at the drop of a dime." Tom told her. "Enough!" Lorraine yelled as she saw this. "It's almost Christmas! We should be counting our blessings this time of year and getting along. Not fighting!" Lorraine then yelled. "Lorraine did you not hear what this woman said?" Tom asked her. "I did. She said I was a wonderful bride for Vinny. I promise you Marie that I will not hurt him. I love him and he loves me." Lorraine told them. "He's like a son to me." Marie told her. "I know. He tells me about how you helped him, his brothers and his dad after his mother died all the time. He really loves you for that." Lorraine told her. "I want my nephew to be happy." Marie told her. "He is happy. And dad Vinny would never leave me." Lorraine told them. "How do you know that?" Tom asked her. "I know Vinny. He isn't that kind of guy." Lorraie said. "It's true. Vinny does love you very much and speaks about how beautiful and wonderful you are." Marie explained. "Vinny is a great guy but, how well do you know him?" Tom asked Lorraine. "Dad, we've been married for a year and yeah we had agruments but, we still love each other and if you two can't see that. I agree with Vinny." Lorraine told them as she walked out of the house.

At the DiMiranda house. "You actually said that to Marie?" Debra asked Vinny. "I did." Vinny replied. "Why can't you say those kinds of things to your mother for me Ray?" Debra asked Ray. "Vinny doesn't have to live across the street from her day after day." Ray told her. "Hi everyone." Lorraine said as she walked through the door. "Did my aunt and your father work things out?" Vinny asked. "No. Your aunt thinks that I'm going to leave you and my dad thinks that you're going to leave me." Lorraine explained. "I don't understand why they would believe that?" Vinny asked her. "It's because my mom treats you like her son and she wants the best for you like she does for Raymond." Robert told him. "She also wants the best for you Robert." Vinny told him. "I know. She just doesn't show it like she does with you and Raymond." Robert then said. "You actually want her to butt in to your life constantly and visit you three times a day?" Ray asked Robert. "Sometimes." Robert replied. "Trust me Robert you don't want that." Debra told him. "I live across the street from my in laws and we see how that's going right now." Vinny told them. "I would hate to live across the street from Amy's parents." Robert said. "What's wrong with my parents?" Amy asked him. "Your family scares the hell out of me." Robert told her. "My family is sane compared to your family." Amy told him. "My mom doesn't kill birds with her bare hands and my father doesn't blow up fireworks behind his house." Robert explained. "I know that this family loves to argue but, can we just put our problems aside just til Christmas is over and you guys are back in Long Island?" Vinny asked them. "Like you two don't argue?" Ray asked them. "We do argue but, we don't argue in front of people." Vinny told them. "Vinny, we argued last week in front of my family becasue you and my sister Sarah can't get along." Lorraine told him. "That's different. It was in front of your family. We don't argue in public in front of complete strangers." Vinny then said to her.

At the Baker house. "Tom we need to settle this once and for all." Marie told him. "I agree." Tom said. "I'll start. Lorraine isa bright,caring and beautiful girl. She has the makings to be a wonderful wife and mother but, she took my nephew away from me." Marie told him. "And your nephew is smart, funny and sometimes outspoken. He is going to be a great husband and a great dad. He took Lorraine away from me." Tom told her. "Dad you do know that me and Bud are standing right next to you right?" Nora asked him. "Nora I didn't like Bud at first either. After a while I started to like him." Tom said to Nora. "How long it take you to like Bud?" Marie asked Tom. "A few weeks." Tom replied. "My nephew and your daughter have been married for over a year now and you still don't like him." Marie said to Tom. "It's different with Vinny. Bud is polite and well mannered." Tom told her. "And my nephew isn't?" Marie asked him. "My whole family likes Vinny." Tom told her. "And my whole family likes Lorraine." Marie then said. "My kids treat Vinny like he's their big brother." Tom said. "Lorraine is part of my family and Vinny is part of yours. And they are going to be married for along time whether we like it or not." Marie said to Tom.


	12. Vinny's Temper

Chapter 12: Vinny's Temper

Marie and Tom go over to Vinny's house. "Vinny, Lorraine me and Tom have something to say to you two." Marie said as her and Tom walked into the door. "Did you two work things out?" Vinny asked them. "Not exactly." Tom replied. "Then what is it?" Lorraine asked them. "We figured out what our problem is. I have to get use to you Lorraine." Marie told her. "And I have to get use to Vinny." Tom added. "Tom we live across the street from each other I believe that we're close enough." Vinny told him. "Marie I think that we don't need to get close. I mean look at you and Debra." Lorraine stated. "Me and Debra have a great relationship." Marie replied. The Barones start laughing. "What's so funny?" Marie asked them. "Marie, me and you don't have a great realtionship. We argue all the time. Andsometimes I can't stand you." Debra told Marie. "You can't stand me?" Marie asked her. "Why did you say that?" Ray asked Debra. "It's true. You say the same thing all the time about her." Debra told him. "Is this true Raymond?" Marie then asked him. "I only say that so Debra would you know." Raymond responded. "I don't like that Raymond." Marie told him. "I can't believe you Ray!" Debra yelled. "I have to get some whenever I can." Ray replied. "That's messed up cubby." Robert said to Ray. "I agree with Robert. You're sick in the head Ray." Vinny said. "You see what I have to put with here?" Debra asked Lorraine. "I'm not that bad." Ray told them. "Ray you act like a child at times. You never pay attention to me." Debra stated. "She's right Ray. You do get easily distracted like if you see a monkey on TV." Vinny told him. "You shouldn't be talking." Lorraine said to Vinny. "Me?" Vinny asked. "Yes you. You pull pranks on people. You get into arguements over football with my sister. And you act like my little twin brothers at times." Lorraine stated. "What's your point? Nigel and Kyle are mature for nine year olds. And the Lions are better then the Bears. And those pranks are harmless fun." Vinny told her. "He's still not worse then Raymond." Debra stated. "Yeah, I actually help out around the house." Vinny told them. "I help out around the house." Ray said to them. "Only after I yell at you." Debra replied. "It ain't my fault Vinny's job keeps him home all the time. He gets paid to sit at home and do nothing." Ray then said. "Are you kidding me Ray? My job is a pain in my ass." Vinny told him. "Only because you sit on it all day." Ray replied. "I have to travel anytime something goes wrong. I have to go to LA, New York City and Houston sometimes for a week. I'm the guy they call anytime something fucks up. You think I like leaving my wife here all alone?" Vinny asked him. "Just wait until you're married for longer then five years. You'll be looking for excuses to leave the house." Ray told him. "Ray, Lorraine is very beautiful. I would of loved to come home to her everyday. Instead I had to come home to Marie nagging all day." Frank then said. "Nagging? That's the only way I could get through to you. I had to tell you to do something ten times before you did it." Marie told him. "I worked hard all day. I didn't want to come home to your constant nagging. 'Frank take out the trash!' 'Frank don't unzip your pants!' 'Frank why don't you ever help me with the boys?' That's what I had to come home to every day." Frank told everybody. "What about you? 'Marie where's my dinner.' 'Marie where's the remote?' 'Marie where's my drink?' You think that was pleasent for me?" Marie asked him. "Vinny do something." Lorraine told him. "You two in the corner! And no dessert tonight!" Vinny jokingly yelled at his aunt and uncle. "But, Marie made her chocolate cake." Frank told Vinny. "I was joking Uncle Frank." Vinny said to him. "Vinny don't joke like that ever again. You know how much I like cake." Frank replied. "You didn't know he was joking?" Marie asked him. "He sounded serious." Frank told her. "I knew you were joking dear. You're going to be an excellent father." Marie told him.

Vinny is outside playing with Ray's kids and the Baker kids. "Lorraine, can we talk?" Marie asked her. "Sure, Marie. About what?" Lorraine said to her. "Lorraine I see the way Vinny acts around you,the way he looks at you and the way he is with you. He seems happy with you. So, I should be happy for him but, I can't be happy for him until I get to know you better." Marie explained. "What do you want to know?" Lorraine asked her. "Simple things like if you went to college or even if you finished high school." Marie told her. "I did graduate high school in 2005. I was offered an internship with a fashion designer in New York City." Lorraine explained. "An internship with a fashion designer?" Marie asked her. "I was going to design clothes. Then I met Vinny and we feel in love. I still worked for the fashion designer in Manhatten. Then Vinny asked me to marry him. He asked me to quit my job because he made enough money where I didn't have to work. I worked in Manhatten until June of 2006. I then married him on October 15 that year. And here we are." Lorraine explained. "You wanted to design clothes?" Marie asked her. "I was really into fashion since I was six years old. I liked what I was doing at that internship but, I didn't like my boss." Lorraine told her. "What happened with your boss?" Marie then asked. "He didn't like Vinny. One time whenVinny came to get me after work my boss yelled at him for coming up without getting permission from him. " Lorraine started to explain. "I see where you're going. Vinny lost his temper with this guy and they got into an arguement. He said what he usually said when he confronts someone 'Who the hell do you think you are?' 'Do you know who I am?'. The person would try to calm him down and he would go off. They would tell him who they were and he would say 'I don't give a damn who you are.'. Vinny likes to curse he gets that from his father and Frank." Marie told her. "He did act that way. He told you about that didn't he?" Lorraine asked her. "He didn't have to. I know how Vinny is. He has a short temper and the slightest thing will set him off. I know Vinny better then he knows himself. I also know that the only way to calm him down is with some hot wings and a glass of lemonade. I don't know why but, that always did the trick." Marie explained. " I have a different way of calming him down." Lorraine said with a smile. "I really didn't need to hear that dear." Marie told her. "Not that. I would ask Joey and Tony to take him out. They would go out have a few drinks and when Vinny came home he was calm." Lorraine explained. "What do you do now since you live here in Chicago?" Marie asked. "I take him over to my parents house, he hangs out with my brothers and he forgets about why he was ever mad." Lorraine told her. "That's so sweet. Vinny always had a way with kids." Marie said to Lorraine. "That's because he still acts like one and can relate to them." Lorraine replied. Lorraine and Marie start to laugh. "What are you two laughing about?" Robert asked them as he walked in the house. "Nothing Robbie." Marie replied. "It was about me wasn't it?" Robert then asked them. "It was about Vinny." Lorraine said to him. "I feel better now." Robert said as he went back outside.

Vinny now comes in the house. "Hello dear." Marie said as he walked in. "What did you guys say about me?" Vinny asked them. "We were just talking about how sometimes you lose your temper for no reason." Lorraine told him. "I already told you that Mime had it coming." Vinny replied. "What Mime?" Marie asked. "We were walking through the park here in Chicago and a Mime came up to use and started pretending he was trapped in a box." Lorraine stated. "You hit a Mime for that?" Marie asked Vinny. "She didn't finish. We started walking away and that Mime was following us. I asked him what his problem was and he didn't answer me. So I asked him again, he still didn't answer me. I had a thing of popcorn with me so I dumped the bag on his head and left." Vinny explained. "Vinny Mimes aren't suppose to talk." Marie told him. "Tell her about when we went to the movies for the first time." Lorraine told him. "What happened?" Marie asked her. "Nothing." Vinny replied. "He was laughing too loud and the usher asked him to stop laughing because it was distruptive to the other audience members. So Vinny tells the guy to take a hike not in those words but in the words that he would usually use. The usher tells Vinny to leave. So, Vinny dumps the tub of popcorn on the guys head and the tub gets stuck on the poor mans head. The guy can't see where he's going so he bumps into Vinny and Vinny shoves him into a display and it knocks over everything. Candy is flying everywhere, soda is all over the floor." Lorraine explains trying not to laugh but, she can't help herself and Marie starts to laugh also. "I'm glad you guys are finding laughter at my expense." Vinny said to them as he wasgoing back outside. "He shouldn't be around popcorn." Marie said still laughing. "I know everything that happened popcorn is always around somewhere." Lorraine told her laughing. They continue to laugh.


	13. Snow Ball Fight

Chapter 13: Snow Ball Fight

Since Lorraine and Aunt Marie were getting along. Tom and Vinny thought that they should spend some time together also. "How's it going Vinny?" Tom asked him. "Not bad. How about you?" Vinny then asked him. "Great." Tom replied. They sit there for five minutes and can't think of anything else to say to each other. "I'll see ya later Tom." Vinny said as he was leaving. "See ya." Tom said to him.

Vinny goes to his house. "Hello dear." Marie said to him as he walked in. "Hi." Vinny replied. "Hey, Vinny I made some popcorn. Now don't godumping it on anyone's head." Lorraine said to him laughing. "I'll be outside." Vinny said as he went back outside. "What's wrong Vinny?" Robert asked him. "Nothing." Vinny replied. "I know what will cheer you up." Robert said to him. "What?" Vinny asked him. "Chucking this snow ball at Ray." Robert then replied handing Vinny the snow ball. Vinny chucks the snow ball and it hits Ray in the back of the head. "Hey!" Ray yelled. "It was just a snow ball Ray." Vinny told him. "How about I throw a snow ball at you?" Ray asked him. "I don't care. Let's see if you can reach me because I saw you throwing the football around earlier and you couldn't throw it ten yards." Vinny said to him. Ray throws the snow ball and it lands at Vinny's feet. "I think that the farthest he ever threw something." Robert said to Vinny. Ray picks up another snow ball and hits Robert in the face with it. "You're a dead man Ray!" Robert yelled running after Raymond. Ray walks back into the house covered in snow. "What happened Raymond?" Marie asked him. "I was attacked by the Abominable Snowman." Ray replied.

Ray walks back out there and is hit in the face with another snow ball. "Sorry!" Robert yelled with a laugh. "Remember when we use to do this all the time?" Vinny asked Robert. "Yeah. We use to gang up on Raymond and throw snow balls at him all day." Robert said to him.

Jake and Mike are trying to made a snow fort. "What are you guys doing?" Ally asked them. "Making a snow fort." Jake replied. "It doesn't look like one." Ally then said to them. "It will soon enough." Mike then answered. Vinny walks over to them. "Hey Jake I have something for you." Vinny said to him "What?" Jake asked him. "Nothing much except for this." Vinny said to them as he dumped snow on Jake. Mike and Ally are laughing at Jake. "That wasn't cool dude." Jake said to him wiping the snow off himself. "I agree that wasn't cool but, I bet it was cold though." Mike said to Jake laughing. "How about I shove your face in the snow Mike?" Jake asked Mike. "If you can catch me." Mike said running from Jake. Jake runs after Mike.

Ray goes up to Vinny. "Vinny tell me about that Jake kid?" Ray asked him. "What do you want to know about him?" Vinny then asked Ray. "If he's a good kid. How old he is, if he drinks, smokes. You know those kind of things." Ray said to him. "He doesn't smoke or drink. He is a good kid. And he's sixteen years old." Vinny told Ray. "Sixteen? And Ally's..." Ray started to say trying to remember how old his daughter was. "Ally is fifthteen. He's a year older then her." Vinny replied. "I knew that. It just took me a while because my brain is frozen from me being hit in the face with so many snow balls." Ray told him. "Ray relax. Jake is a good kid. He's funny, has great balance and can be a wiseass at times." Vinny said to him. "What about smart? Is he smart?" Ray asked Vinny. "Yeah he's a smartass." Vinny replied. "No I mean is he school smart?" Ray then asked. "I really don't know him well enough to say. You'll have to ask him that question." Vinny said to Ray.

Ray goes to walk away and is hit in the face with another snow ball. "Robert!" Ray yelled. "It wasn't me. It was Geoffrey." Robert said to Ray. "Geoffrey would not throw a snow ball at me." Ray told him. "It was me daddy." Geoffrey said to him. "You know not to throw snow balls at me. You're suppose to throw snow balls at Bigfoot there." Ray said pointing to Robert. "Uncle Robert said I should throw a snow ball at you." Geoffrey responded. "He asked me who to throw a snow ball at." Robert then said. "Why didn't you tell him to throw one at Vinny?" Ray asked him. "I don't have a problem with Vinny." Robert replied. Ray walks away and is hit with yet another snow ball in the back of the head. "That time it was me." Robert told him with a laugh.


	14. Getting Along So Far

Chapter 14: Getting Along So Far

Everyone is getting along. Tom is getting along with Vinny, Marie is getting along with Lorraine and Ray and Vinny are just in the same room. "This is nice everyone getting along with each other." Marie said to everyone. "It is nice. Ann how's your dad and everyone?" Vinny asked her. "They're doing fine. My family wishes everyone a Merry Christmas." Ann told them. "Tell him anytime he wants a rematch, I'll be ready to give it to him." Tom told her. "Don't start this again Tom." Kate told him. "Start what?" Tom asked. "The competing with Mr.Murtaugh. We're all friends and Charlie married Ann. That makes us family and families don't compete." Sarah said to Tom. The Barones and Vinny start laughing at what Sarah just said. "It's true families don't compete." Sarah then said again. "Listen, Sarah other families might not compete but, my family is always competing against one another." Vinny told her. "It's true. Robbie competes with Raymond, Ray competes with Vinny and Debra competes with me." Marie told them. "Why would I compete with you?" Debra asked Marie. "We all know you want to be like me. Especially the way I can actually cook." Marie told Debra. "Mom you need to cool it." Ray told her. "Raymond you make fun of her cooking all the time." Marie told him. "I'm only joking." Ray told Debra. "You're not funny Raymond. If you were a comedian they would boo you off the stage before you even walked on." Robert told him. "I'm funnier then you." Ray told him. "Funnier looking maybe." Robert then said. "Robbie you apologize to your brother right now." Marie told him. "Aunt Marie, Ray started the whole thing." Vinny said to her. "You see what they do? They double team me." Ray said to everyone. "Ray you're paranoid." Vinny told him. "Am I? Okay, how about today? When you two kept on throwing snow balls at me." Ray said to them. "They were only snow balls. It's not like when we crazy glued your hand to your desk." Robert said to him laughing. "Laugh it up. I ripped off most of the skin on my hand to get it off my desk." Ray said. "It was awful his hand looked like one of Debra's meatloafs all chalky and dry it was disgusting." Marie said to them.

"I think we should go." Tom said to his family. "And leave me here alone with them?" Lorraine then said. "They have issues they need to work out." Tom said to her. "Come on guys we need judges." Vinny said to the Bakers. "For what?" Jake asked him. "For when Debra and my aunt get into it. We need all the judges we can get." Vinny replied. "I'm not getting into an argument with Marie." Debra said to Vinny. "Is it because you never win dear?" Marie then asked Debra. "Marie arguing with you is like arguing with a brickwall." Debra told her. "May I just ask, what the hell is that suppose to mean?" Marie then asked Debra. "It means that your face looks like a brickwall." Frank then replied. "Don't get me started on you Frank!" Marie yelled. "Me? What's so bad about me?" Frank asked her. "This is going to be good." Vinny said to Lorraine quietly. "What's so bad about you? I'll tell you what's so bad about you. You are a pig with shoes! You don't help around the house! I cook, I clean and what do I get? Nothing. Not even a 'Thank you'!" Marie then yelled. "Do you ever thank me for anything? No! All you do is nag! I'm tired of it!" Frank then yelled.

"I think we should go now." Tom said to Kate. "Bye everyone we'll see you tomorrow." Kate said as the Bakersleft. "Should we stop your aunt and uncle?" Lorraine asked Vinny. "No. Let them go a few more rounds then they'll tire themselves out and we can actually have a nice conversation with everyone else." Vinny said to Lorraine. "It looks like they have two or three more rounds in them." Robert then said to Vinny. "I bet mom wins." Ray then said to them. "I bet Uncle Frank wins." Vinny said to Ray. "How much are we betting?" Robert then asked them. "Ten bucks." Ray said to him. "Ten bucks? My money is on Frank." Debra then said. "I also bet that mom will win." Robert said putting ten bucks on the table. "You guys bet on who will win an argument between your aunt and uncle?" Lorraine asked Vinny. "Yeah. It's more fun then betting on who wins an argument between Ray and Debra." Robert then said to her. "Why?" Lorraine asked. "I always win the argument." Debra then said to Lorraine. "You don't always win." Ray then said to Debra. "I win 90 percent of the arguments." Debra then told Ray. "That isn't always winning." Ray said to her. "Fine, I win arguments 90 percent of the time." Debra then said. "Thank you." Ray then said to her.

Marie and Frank are still arguing after two hours. "You want to call it a draw?" Vinny asked everyone that put money in. "Okay." Everyone said as they got their money from the table. "Where are you going?" Lorraine asked Vinny. "I'm going to bed. This argument can last all night." Vinny said to her. "I'm not staying down here with them by myself." Lorraine then said to him. "Then go to bed like the rest of us." Vinny then told her. "Will they be okay?" Lorraine asked Vinny. "They'll be fine. They'll forget about the whole argument by tomorrow." Vinny told her. "Oh that's so sweet. They're going to make up." Lorraine then said. "No. At their age they're lucky they can even remember who they are." Vinny said to her as they went to bed.


	15. The Morning Of December 24

Chapter 15: The Morning Of December 24

It's the next morning and Lorraine is walking by the room Marie and Frank are staying in. "Oh Che Che." Marie said to Frank. Lorraine hears them laughing. Then she hears Frank say "Hey, come here a minute." Lorraine goes back to her and Vinny's room and tells Vinny what she just heard. "I didn't want to know that." Vinny told her. "Your aunt and uncle are not mad at each other anymore." Lorraine said to him. "That's great and all but, what you heard coming from that room shouldn't be mentioned in this room. Which reminds me we need to get rid of that bed when they leave." Vinny then said to her.

"Hey everybody." Robert said as he came downstairs. "Hey Robert." Vinny said to him. "Don't ask Lorraine what she heard this morning." Vinny then warned him. "Oh my god! Amy, she heard me and you this morning." Robert said to Amy outloud. "Remind me to get rid of that bed also." Vinny said to Lorraine. "She heard mom and dad you know." Ray explained to Robert and Amy. "Oh." Amy and Robert said at the same time. "Morning dears." Marie said as she came down the stairs. "Morning." Everyone said to her. "You and dad have a good night sleep last night?" Ray asked her. "It was amazing. That bed is really comfortable." Marie said with a smile on her face. "There goes my appetite." Ray said as he pushed his eggs and bacon away. Frank now comes down the stairs. "Hello Che Che." Marie said kissing him. "Hi sweetheart." Frank replied. "I think everyone else just lost their appetite." Vinny said. "No one else is going to eat that?" Frank asked. "No." Vinny replied. "Good more for me." Frank said as he took a big plate of eggs and bacon. "I'm glad your kids aren't up to hear any of this Ray." Vinny said to him. "Hear what?" Ally asked as she came down the stairs. "Nothing just Grandma and Grandpa arguing again." Debra said to her. "We always hear them arguing." Michael said to Debra. "Yeah, even on Christmas of last year." Geoffrey then said. "I don't think you want to hear what they were talking about. It might mess you guys up forever." Vinny said to them with a chuckle. Lorraine elbows Vinny in the ribs. "What? It would mess them up." Vinny then said to her. "What would mess us up?" Michael asked him. "Nothing go eat some breakfast." Ray said to them.

Ally, Michael and Geoffrey are at the Baker house hanging out. "I'm glad everyone is getting along." Ally said to Jake. "I still don't feel like everything is all right yet." Jake said to her. "Hey Vinny heads up!" Sarah yelled chucking something at Vinny. "Sarah you are so dead!" Vinny yelled at her. "Now it feels like everything is all right." Jake said to Ally. "Hey guys." Vinny said to them as he walked into the house and went up the stairs. "Vinny why is your shirt all wet?" Jake asked him. "Sarah threw a water ballon on me. I'm lucky it didn't turn into ice. That would of hurt like hell." Vinny said to them. Jake and Ally hear Vinny and Sarah arguing with one another. "Do they argue alot?" Ally asked Jake. "Yeah they do. It makes life more interesting." Jake said to her. "Sarah put down that lacrosse stick!" Vinny yelled. They hear the banging of the lacrosse stick on the floor. "That's something I haven't heard in a while." Jake said to Ally. "What?" Ally asked him. "Sarah's lacrosse stick banging on something. She use to bang it against the bathroom door when Lorraine use to hog it all the time." Jake explained. "You guys treat Vinny like he's your older brother don't you?" Ally asked him. "Yeah we do. Since my older brothers Charlie and Henry moved out I had to take the responsibility of oldest brother but, since Vinny and Lorraine moved across the street he took over that role." Jake explained. "Aren't your brothers Henry and Charlie here now?" Ally then asked him. "For now. Henry has to be back in New York by next week and Charlie has to be back at his shop by Friday." Jake then said to her. "I see Vinny as an older cousin that's like a year or two older then me." Ally told him.

Vinny comes down the stairs. "Just wait until you put down that lacrosse stick! You won't be so tough then!" Vinny yelled up the stairs. "Come on old man!" Sarah yelled to him. "Hey I'm only 26! When I'm 30 then you can call me an old man!" Vinny then yelled. "Vinny I think we shouldleave now." Ally said to him. "Fine. Jake you know that you guys are always welcomed to hang out with Ally and her brothers at my house." Vinny told him as they were leaving. "What about Michael and Geoffrey?" Ally asked him. "They're out front with Mike, Nigel and Kyle." Vinny said as Ally and him walked out the door.


	16. The Night Of December 24

Chapter 16: The Night Of December 24

Everyone is at Vinny's house. "Time for my special Christmas cookies." Marie said to everyone. "Lay 'em on me." Frank told her. "Frank don't take so many at a time." Marie said to him. "They're your cookies so since we share everything they're my cookies too." Frank replied. "I made them for everyone." Marie said to him. "Aunt Marie it's Christmas Eve. You can argue with Uncle Frank when you guys get home." Vinny said to her. "Mom these cookies are outstanding." Robert said to her. "I know mom these are the best." Ray then said to her. "Thank you Raymond. You're so sweet." Marie said hugging Raymond. "But, Aunt Marie.." Vinny started to say. "Vinny don't bother, there is no use trying." Robert said to him. "You said that her cookies were great before Ray did." Vinny said. "It's no use Vinny." Robert told him. "If you say so." Vinny then said.

"Our families are actually getting along." Lorraine said to Vinny. "I know it's a Christmas miracle." Vinny said to her. "I love Christmas." Lorraine said to him. "It's only Christmas Eve." Vinny then said to her. "The keyword is Christmas." Lorraine told him. "I really hate this side of you." Vinny said to her. "What side?" Lorraine asked him. "This cheerful side of you." Vinny said to her. "Get use to it. I had to get use to your sarcastic ways." Lorraine said to him. "I'll try." Vinny said to her.

Jake and Ally are sitting on Vinny's couch talking. "Jake I want to say something to you but, I don't know how to say it." Ally said to him. "What is it?" Jake asked her. Ally kisses him on the cheek. "What was that for?" Jake asked her. "I like you alot Jake." Ally said to him. "Ally I don't think it will work between us. I'm a year older then you and Vinny is my brother-in-law and your cousin. That would just be too weird." Jake explained to her. "I think I hear my mom calling me." Ally said getting up from the couch.

Vinny sees Ally crying in the patio. "Ally what are you doing out here?" Vinny asked her. "Nothing." Ally said wiping her tears. "It doesn't look like nothing." Vinny said to her. "I don't want to talk about it." Ally said to him. "What happened with Jake?" Vinny asked her. "It has nothing to do with that idiot." Ally replied. "Idiot. You take after your mother. Which is a good thing because of the way your father is." Vinny said to her. Ally starts to smile. "That's more like it." Vinny said to her. "Vinny are all teenage boys weird?" Ally asked him. "Some of them. And some of them are really nice and some of them are complete excuse my language but, assholes." Vinny said to her. "I heard that word from Grandpa alot." Ally said to him. "I forgot that he lives across the street from you. You probably hear him use alot more curse words." Vinny said with a laugh. Ally starts to laugh. Ray comes out. "What's going on here?" Ray asked them. "Nothing dad." Ally said as she went back into the house. "Vinny what happened out here?" Ray then asked him. "Ally was upset because of something Jake said." Vinny told him.

Ray goes up to Jake. "Hey man." Ray said to him. "What's up dude." Jake said to him. "What happened between you and my daughter before?" Ray asked him. "She kissed me and I told her that it wouldn't work out between us." Jake said to him. "Kissed you where?" Ray then asked him. "On the cheek." Jake told him. "What did you tell her exactlly?" Ray then asked him. "I told her that it wouldn't work out because I'm a year older then her and that Vinny is my bro-in-law and her cousin." Jake explained. "Dad what are you doing?" Ally asked Ray as she saw Ray talking to Jake. "We were just talking." Ray explained to her. "God, this is so embarrassing. Jake I apologize if my dad said anything stupid." Ally said to him. "Why do you and your mother think I say something stupid to people all the time?" Ray asked her. "You usually do dad." Ally replied.

Jake ask Ray if he could talk to Ally alone. Ray leaves them alone reluctently. "Ally if I said anything to upset you I apologize." Jake said to her. "Well you did upset me and I agree that it would be weird if we went out because of Vinny." Ally said to him. "So you're not mad at me?" Jake asked her. "I can't stay mad at you. You're too cute." Ally said to him. Jake turned beet red. "Stop it." Jake told her embarrassed.


	17. Christmas Day

Chapter 17: Christmas Day.

It's Christmas Day and Vinny is spending it with his family at his house and Lorraine is across the street at the Bakers with her family. "Did you bring any cards with you guys?" Vinny asked them. "Of course we did." Marie said to him. "It wouldn't be Christmas without reading some cards." Frank said to him. "So get started already." Vinny said to him. "Fine." Frank said as he picks a Christmas card at random. "Here we go. This is from the Stouts from down our street. _Dear Family and Friends, We hope that you and yours had a great year and a great holiday. We're doing fine. Our son is the Principal of the local high school. I know that the year just flew by. We are going to the Bahamas this year. It will be better weather and no snow. God Bless. Your Friends The Stouts._" Frank said as he read the letter. "Why would they send you guys a card?" Vinny asked them. "We're not their friend or family." Ray then said. "Let's see the pictures." Debra then said. Frank hands her pictures. "Man that is one ugly dog." Vinny said looking at the picture. "That's their younngest son." Frank said to him. "What high school is Greg Principal of?" Robert asked. "Jackass High School." Frank said to him. They all start to laugh. "I love this tradition." Robert then said.

They continue to read cards and make fun of the people that sent them. "It's nice to have everyone here today." Vinny said. "Hey Vinny thanks for the autograph baseballs. The 69 and 86 Mets. You know me all too well." Robert said to him. "No problem Robert." Vinny said to him. "Yeah Vinny thanks for my gift. A new driver club." Ray said to him. "Ray I saw what happened to your last one. It was bent. How did that happen again?" Vinny said to him. "I bent it." Debra said. "He went out golfing and lied to you again didn't he?" Vinny then asked her. "Yup." Ray replied. "This is a nice watch Vinny." Marie said to him. "I know it is. That's why I bought it for you." Vinny said to her. "You're so sweet dear." Marie said to him. "Vinny are you sure my TV will be delivered at my house?" Frank asked him. "Your big screen will arrive next week." Vinny said to him. "This sculpture is very nice Vinny. Thanks." Amy said to him. "I know that you're into that stuff. Robert told me. So, it's actually like me getting a gift for you from Robert." Vinny said to him. Amy kisses Robert and hugs him. "Vinny this a nice gift. _A Thousand Ways To Make Your Mother-In-Law Leave Your Home._ I really need this." Debra told him reading the title of the book Vinny gave her. "I don't like that book Vinny." Marie said to him. "It's a gag gift." Vinny said to her. "It's not a gag gift to me. This is going to be my new favorite book." Debra said to him. "Vinny the twins really love the RC cars you bought them. And Ally really likes the gold chain you got her." Debra said to him. "Anytime. I also got one for myself. And I bought one for Ray too." Vinny said giving Ray the RC Car. "Thanks man. I'm going out there right now to try it." Ray said excited about the RC car. Ray walks out the door with his RC car.

Robert and Vinny are standing at the window watching Ray play with his RC car with his sons. "This is something for you and Amy. Mainly you." Vinny said to Robert handing him an envelope. Robert opens the envelope and sees a check for five thousand dollars and two tickets to the Met- Yankee game at Shea Stadium behind the Met dugout. "Vinny I can't accept these gifts." Robert said to him handing Vinny back the envelope. "Take it. Robert you deserve it after what you did for me when I was younger. And if you want you can take Ray to the baseball game or Amy that's cool." Vinny said to him giving him back the envelope. "What about you? You up to going to Met-Yankee game at Shea?" Robert asked him. "These are your tickets take whoever you want. Besides I already have a ticket to that game right next to you and whoever you want to take." Vinny told him. "Thanks bro." Robert said giving him a hug. "No. Thank you bro for everything." Vinny said to him.

Jake and Mike walk into the house. "I hope we're not interupting anything." Jake said to them. "You guys like the gifts I got you?" Vinny asked them. "I like my autograph skateboard and Mike likes his personalized Chicago Bears jersey. Sarah is pissed at you for getting her a book about controlling her anger. Mark likes the nature kit you got him. Nigel and Kyle like they RC planes you got them but, my mom and dad will tell you something else about those gifts. Kim and Jessica like the necklaces you got them. Henry likes the ticket you got him for that club where that blue's band is playing he likes so much. Charlie likes the Bear-Packer tickets you gave him for this weekend. Ann likes the book about how to deal with spouses bad habits and what you can do to change them. My dad thought the DVD you gave him on how to be a football head coach was a hysterical joke. Well, he didn't find it funny but, everyone else did. My mom really loved the book about Italian Cooking. She said that it was very thoughtful. And she is going to use some of those meal ideas." Jake explained. "I'm glad everyone liked their gifts." Vinny said to Jake.

"Vinny you want to come outside and throw the football around?" Mike asked him. "Sure. As long as Jake doesn't break the window like he did at Thanksgiving." Vinny said to them. "That was you." Jake said to him. "Prove it." Vinny said to him. "I saw the whole thing Vinny. It was you who broke that window." Mike told him. "That's only one person that will back you up." Vinny said to Jake. "Sarah will say she also saw that you threw the football." Jake said to him. "Sarah will say anything to get me in trouble." Vinny said to him.

They're throwing the football around. Ray catches the ball and throws it through Vinny's front window. "I'm so sorry Vinny." Ray said to him. "Remind me never to throw a football or any other ball to him again." Vinny said to Jake. "Your cousin is really bad at sports." Jake said to him. "That's why he's a sports writer. He can't play sports so, he writes about them." Vinny told Jake.


	18. The Barones Go Home

Chapter 18: The Barones Go Home

It's Christmas Night and the Bakers are having dinner with the Barones at Vinny and Lorraine's house. "Frank chew your food. And don't talk with your mouth full" Marie said to him. "If I do that you can't talk at all." Frank replied. "He's hopeless." Marie said to Vinny."You're hopeless." Frank told her. "Dude, do your aunt and uncle always argue?" Jake asked Vinny. "You're catching them on Christmas. Just think about any normal day." Vinny said to him. "What normal day? There are no normal days with Big Mouth Marie." Frank said to Vinny. "I have a big mouth? Frank you can shove a meatball sub in your mouth at one time." Marie told him. "Guys can we just have a nice last night here with Vinny please?" Robert asked them. "I forgot that you guys are going home tomorrow. I wish you guys could stay longer." Lorraine said to them. Vinny starts to choke on his water because he was trying not to laugh at what Lorraine just said. "Are you okay honey?" Lorraine asked him. "I'm good." Vinny told her. "Lorraine if you want us to stay a few extra days we will." Marie said to her. "No!" Vinny andRay yelled at the same time. "I mean that's okay Aunt Marie. We'll try to cope without you until you come back in April for the birth of the twins." Vinny told her. "Are you sure dear?" Marie asked him. "I'm sure Aunt Marie." Vinny replied. "I can't wait until April. I'll come back March 2 and stay until March 5 so I won't miss your birthday like you missed mine." Marie said to Vinny. "You don't have to do that. And I already apologized like several times for missing your birthday." Vinny said to her. "When is your birthday Vinny?" Mike asked him. "March 4." Vinny replied. They continue to eat dinner.

It's the next day and the Barones are finally leaving. Vinny and Lorraine have to act sad on the outside but, on the inside they were glad that this family get together was finally over. The kids say goodbye to each other. Marie and Frank leave after Marie puts Vinny in a vice grip for two minutes. "Vinny!" Ray screams from inside the house. Ray comes out in a towel and is covered in baby powder. "That's for breaking my window and telling me Robert was behind me to catch mewhen I fell." Vinny said to him laughing. "Baby powder in the blow dryer again?" Robert asked him. "Damn straight." Vinny told him. "The classics never die." Robert said to Vinny laughing. Ray walks over to Vinny to hug him to get some of the baby powder off. "Ray get away." Vinny said to him. Ray then hugs Debra. "Ray!" Debra yelled. She pushes him and he falls in the snow. Ray goes inside and gets dressed and leaves with his family. Robert is the last one to leave. "Well Vinny I'll see you later." Robert said to him. "You are always welcomed here whenever you get tired of your parents and Ray." Vinny said to him. "That means I'll probably be back here by next week." Robert said to him with a laugh. "Whenever Robert." Vinny said to him. "I now see why your Vinny's favorite cousin. You're my favorite realtive of his now." Lorraine said hugging Robert. "I'll see everyone later." Robert said as he was getting into his car. Vinny goes up to Robert's car and shakes his hand before he leaves. "Vinny if you ever get tired of your in laws across the street you know where to find me." Robert said to him. "And be annoyed by Ray and your parents? Forget that, I'll be at my beach house in Miami. Twenty guest rooms, a master bedroom, a master bathroom and six guest bathrooms. Plus the beach is in my backyard there. Anytime you want to use it give me a call big bro. I'll send you the keys and everything." Vinny said to him. "Thanks little bro." Robert said to him. Robert and his family drive off.

"Well that was a Christmas to remember." Sarah said to Vinny. "The best Christmas ever." Vinny said to her. "I just have a question." Sarah said to Vinny. "What is it?" Vinny asked her. "Why the hell would you give a book about controlling one's temper!" Sarah asked him yelling. "That's why. You have a temper." Vinny calmly told her. "If anyone needs this book it's you!" Sarah then yelled. "Me? Why the fuck would I need that god damn book!" Vinny yelled back. "You need to stop cursing." Lorraine said to him. "What the hell are you talking about I never curse." Vinny said to Lorraine. "You just said hell!" Sarah yelled at him. "Listen Demon Child stay out of this!" Vinny yelled at her. "I'm wasn't the one in a rock band in high school." Sarah said where only Vinny could hear it. "What was that Sarah?" Lorraine asked her. "Nothing baby. Just go back in the house." Vinny said to her. "Why would you mention that in front of her?" Vinny asked Sarah. "She has the right to know." Sarah said to him. "I'll tell her." Vinny said to her. "When?" Sarah asked him. "When one of us is on our death bed. This way she can't kill me because I'm already dying or she is too weak to kill me." Vinny said to Sarah as he went into his house.

The End


End file.
